January 20, 2004

In general, I alternate between periods of joy because I’m sure I want to be with E.S. and anxiety because I’m plagued with doubt and uncertainty. I know that the doubt and uncertainty are symptoms of the poison our culture has fed us for a hundred years about how true love means that birds sing in your ear 24 hours a day and that you are constantly so giddy that you’re at risk of taking flight. I know this. And yet the detox is just as difficult as detox always is.

Regular doses of Jane Austen are helping a great deal. She was right about everything else; it’s becoming clear to me that she was right about relationships too. They’re not about Willoughby’s charming good looks or Wickham’s easy manner (or Hugh Grant’s endearing stutter or Gwyneth Paltrow’s breasts). They have to be built on sterner stuff. Like admiration. And respect. Which seem, over time, to be turning into something else.

A friend of mine said yesterday, “You need to stop thinking.” Of course, if I did that, then all my earthly problems would be solved, as well as a great number of my spiritual problems.

I’m trying to accept that doubt and uncertainty are really just a part of life.

The fact that every relationship I’ve ever had in which birds sang in my ear 24 hours a day ended in disaster helps.

So does the fact that the sex is fantastic.

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16 Responses to In general, I alternate between

  1. Mad says:

    Birds singing in your ear 24 hours a day would become mighty annoying; you’d become sleep-deprived and end up killing someone…. That’s never a good thing. So long as they still tweet occasionally you’re OK :-)

  2. Adam875 says:

    Gwyneth Paltrow has breasts?

  3. joe says:

    You totally stole my line, Adam.

  4. kirker says:

    Not only has every relationship I’ve had with the birds-singing-in-ear thing happening ended in disaster, every one with good sex has ended in disaster as well. So I guess you’re a lucky bastard of sorts.

  5. Wayne says:

    I… I don’t think i can handle 24 hr bird songs. I told Paw that. So, we did the 24 hr Text Messenging. It was after I told him that I got billed 15 dollahs for the Text Messenging. Then we stopped. Now we are on the AIM @ Work game, and 1 -3 Text Messages at night.

    Hrm, so are you going to blog about the fantastic sex?

  6. Jalal says:

    We can’t just trust you about the great sex.

    You have to give us proof.

  7. Debbie says:

    …about 24 hr bird songs,

    wouldn’t life be grande if we could walk around with a soundtrack (think a movie)….when something bad is about to happen, we could be warned ahead of time.

    …sorry, I went off topic.

  8. Wayne says:

    How about making one of those OnLine Paris Hilton video? :)

  9. Interesting stuff… and timely thoughts for me.

  10. Convivia says:

    Gwyneth Paltrow has no breasts. Sorry, but there it is. She is free of all mammaries. The famous lines in the Song of Songs (“We have a little sister; she has no breasts. What shall we do for our little sister on the day she is to be spoken for?”) could be read as a prophecy of Ms. Paltrow.

    I am happily married, and there are no 24/7 birds. I am sending you a private communication encouraging you to talk with the fathers of my eggs about this matter, as they have the happiest marriage of anyone I know and may well be full of insight.

    LOVE!

  11. sam says:

    If you didn’t think, there would be no SfL blog, no?

  12. I am learning that I have to take inventory of the good and the bad and when I do I discover that the good outweighs the bad many times over. Who knew a relationship with a man would be so much more complex and often difficult than a relationship with a woman. I don’t know whether in the end it will all work out but I have decided that “I will go down with this ship, And I won’t put my hands up in surrender, There will be no white flag above my door, I’m in love and always will be.”

  13. James says:

    Well, at least you’re not overanalyzing the fantastic sex. To quote an old boyfriend: “Stop thinking and GET IN BED.”

  14. adam #2 says:

    a boy in the bed is way better than a bird in the ear! :)

  15. larsy says:

    did you mean gwyneth paltrow’s LACK of breasts?

  16. mike says:

    Weirdly, I over-analyse absolutely everything in life EXCEPT my relationship (19 years in April).

    Much as it pains me to admit it, there is a line in a Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan romantic comedy which sums up EXACTLY what falling in love felt like:

    “Like coming home, but to a place I’ve never been to before.” (Sleepless In Seattle, and you may shoot me now.)

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