Today at the gym, the instructor introduced a particularly grueling exercise and said, in honor of last week’s holiday, “We’ll call this one Pie-B-Gone.” After the glimpse I’d caught in the locker room of the tiny love handles that weren’t there this time last weekI actually thought I saw Jesus in one of them but then realized it was just a freckleI redoubled my efforts with Pie-B-Gone. Wish me luck in getting results.
Then I started thinking about the time when this woman [link no longer active] took the summer musical theater writing class I was co-teaching. One day there was a guest instructor who introduced us to the principles and practice of sketch comedy; one thing we had to do was come up with a commercial for a product. She and I were paired for the exercise, and we came up with an idea for a product that I still think somebody ought to put on the market. It was called Enemy-B-Gone, and it was a machete. The commercial included several illustrations of the various uses of Enemy-B-Gone; all of these illustrations are long gone from the sieve that is my memory, but I do remember our tag line, which was “Enemy-B-Gone. Because some people just deserve to have their heads chopped off.”
It’s occurring to me now that what would really sell, though, is a two-in-one product: Pie-‘n’-Enemy-B-Gone.
Does anybody have any contacts at the U.S. Patent Office?