November 02, 2003
This is still David, since Faustus is off in fabulous London. I realize that I posted a broken link yesterday to my own blog. If you couldn’t get through, please try this one:
Even though I am a broken-link-posting dunderhead, the same requirements apply. You must bookmark my URL and visit it every day, without fail. If you have a blog of your own, you must link to me (as I will to you, if you drop me a line). These are the new rules of the Search for Love Kingdom, which I, as temporary regent, have decreed and will lovingly enforce with an iron fist clad in a silk glove, or possibly leather.
So, if there are no questions, we’ll begin.
While Faustus is shooting around London in the Tube, I must schlep around Manhattan in the Subway. Yesterday, I ventured out of the Upper West Side to have coffee in Chelsea with my friend Crash. It usually takes a team of wild horses to drag me out of my neighborhood, but yesterday, the 1 train was sufficient.
As we approached my destination, a young boy entered the car and began some sort of loud, ritualized chant about selling candy to pay for his school basketball uniforms. To be honest, since I don’t care for candy (or children), I did not pay much attention.
The woman next to me, however, purchased something, and before she would release her vise grip on the dollar bill, she subjected him to a lecture about how he should not have to raise money for a school project by selling candy on the Subway. “Did you ask your principal to fund you?” she demanded. “You should march into your principal’s office and demand he buy your uniforms! You shouldn’t have to do this!” The boy, who couldn’t have been older than ten, gave her a blank stare until she sighed and let him go.
Even after he left, the woman was indignant. “They’re just teaching him to be a beggar!” she announced to the people around her. “That’s all he’s learning: how to be a beggar. Did you see how good he’s gotten at begging?”
I seem to recall reading somewhere that the whole “I’m selling candy to raise money for my uniform” spiel is a hoax, but even if it is true, what other option do these kids have? Are they really going to march into their principals’ offices and demand funding? My former roommate was a teacher in the New York City Public School system, and she had to pay for her own photocopies and teaching materials half the time. I would think that, if there were any spare dollars, these would be a greater priority than uniforms.
Anyway, I realize we have drifted from the topic of searching for love in Manhattan in favor of searching for available tax dollars in Manhattan. To get back on track, I will steer us over to the coffee with Crash, who showed me photos of naked rugby players and told me about the two erotic dreams he has had about me in recent days. As no one else in the history of the universe has ever had an erotic dream about me, I find this significant enough to crow about, although I shall perhaps refrain from doing so in a subway car.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 06:33 PM
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Comments
1) Lauren said (on 11/ 2/03 at 10:18 PM):
Have you never encountered the "We're not trying to raise money for uniforms, we're just trying to make a little cash" candy-selling subway children?
They're marginally preferable, but they still need to die.
2) jean said (on 11/ 3/03 at 10:18 AM):
You are truly evil.
I couldn't sleep, so got up around 2:30 a.m. and started surfing. Through various random linking, I ended up here, and after reading your entry, I just *had* to go to your blog, Upside-down Hippopotomus.
Why are you evil? Because I never went back to bed and it is now after 9. I kept reading. After I read what was on the main page, I had to have more. So I went to the archives and read October 2003. Then September. Then.... then.....
Damn you, you one-man cartel! I am now most thoroughly hooked; I hope you're happy!
;)
jean
3) Crash said (on 11/ 3/03 at 11:23 AM):
Um . . . technically it was one semi-erotic dream and one that was just kind of weird.
But I will say this, Dream David is a hell of a kisser.
4) orbicon said (on 11/ 3/03 at 12:31 PM):
Hun, can we post the naked rugby player pictures? Then, maybe, some rough sketches of these erotic dreams? Really, I'm visual.
5) David said (on 11/ 3/03 at 01:53 PM):
Lauren: I haven't, and it's lucky for them, too.
6) David said (on 11/ 3/03 at 01:54 PM):
Jean: I was aware of my evil in general, but I had no idea it would have that effect on you. I am truly grateful for your thoughtful comment. (I also would not object if you wanted to get the David fan club off the ground.) :)
7) David said (on 11/ 3/03 at 01:55 PM):
Crash: Why'd you have to go and spoil everything with the truth? :( All right, so it is still true that no one in the history of the universe has ever had an erotic dream about me. If anyone reading this could manage it, I would be eternally grateful.
8) David said (on 11/ 3/03 at 01:56 PM):
Orbicon: I'm visual, too. You can post your own nude photo first, and then we'll talk. :)
9) Crash said (on 11/ 3/03 at 02:16 PM):
Semi-erotic still counts.
10) Wayne said (on 11/ 4/03 at 03:01 PM):
Hrm... nude photos...
I will post nude photos of my dog on my blog. I mean, he runs around naked all the time...
11) David said (on 11/ 4/03 at 04:21 PM):
Crash: Almost doesn't count in love or money.
12) David said (on 11/ 4/03 at 04:22 PM):
Wayne: I find genitalia on dogs disturbing.
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