November 5, 2003

It is I, Faustus. I have returned, only to find that I seem to have been nurturing a viper in my bosom. I’ll take the high road for the moment and deal with the pretender later, as I have a question to ask:

If you leave the country and stay with the music director of your show and his partner and they foil all your attempts to be a helpful guest by tricking you out of doing the dishes or arranging the cushions back on the sofa or any of the other things that you as a good guest would sooner lose an arm than neglect to do, and then you sleep with them, and then the next morning after a delightful breakfast, when you go to wash the dishes they don’t lift a finger to stop you, does that mean they thought you were bad in bed?

Hypothetically speaking, I mean?

Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to It is I, Faustus. I

  1. Crash says:

    Maybe it means that they no longer consider you a guest; they think of you as family.

    Either that or between the sex and the cooking, they were worn out and appreciated the help.

  2. T.H. says:

    We all know, or at least I do, that you are quite talented in the sack and that it takes several hours/days to recover. This is not a bad thing, trust me. They were probably too exhausted to stop you from doing dishes. Or just wanted to watch your ass while you worked.

  3. orbicon says:

    Maybe you were wonderful. Maybe they were blissfully exhausted from wild raunchy sex and couldn’t stop you.

  4. CF says:


    Also guests relax, (sex) slaves work. Which I think implies gooood sex.

  5. rob says:

    i don’t really have an answer for your question, i just want to know why you keep getting to have all these hot sex adventures??? orgies? three ways? what’s your secret?

  6. Jon says:

    Crash beat me to it. You became family.

  7. Convivia says:

    I think it means that English people are lazy.

    Either that, or their “don’t do anything” attitude the evening before was meant to trick you into bed, and then once they had Had Their Way With You they felt free to express their true Inner Sloths.

  8. David says:

    At least I have distinguished company in the ranks of Bosom Vipers, Mary Queen of Scots being the most famous. Curse you for vanquishing me! 🙂

  9. Stormster says:

    Crash is the closest if you amalgamate both his/her points.

    The English are only ever polite until they know you well enough to consider you a friend then they’ll quite happily shag you AND let you do the washing up!

    The MD and I look forward to your next trip.

    PS I know this is a given but you think too much!

  10. sam says:

    Obviously, from the comments, your other readers share in my delight of your return to your rightful throne. Will there be a public beheading?

    And we all know you’re not bad in bed, hypothetically or no.

  11. Jeff says:

    It means they really wanted to do you up against the sink.

    And really, who wouldn’t?

  12. Crash says:

    Actually, Sam, some of us are still waiting to find out if Faustus is great in bed. I mean, one hears stories, but they could just be exaggerations.

  13. Dr.Philomena says:

    It means you tired them out.

  14. Anonymous #7 says:

    It could also mean they are really comfy with you and you are part of the family, so to speak. No longer a guest, washing dishes is no big deal. Also, if you got them tired–as Dr. Philomena suggests–then they’d have no choice.

  15. Wayne says:

    I guess after the night with them, they made you their personal houseboy. Hrm, I mean, washing dishes, isn’t that bad for the nails? *Puts on his bath and body works Skin Renewel Hand Lotion*

  16. I think it means….well hell at this point what do I have to contribute when all of the good lines are already taken…sigh….

  17. OCD says:

    I miss the Hippo.

    On the other hand, I’m glad you’re back.

  18. edie says:

    Holy lordy mother of god. You had a better week than I. Or at least a more interesting one.

  19. Patrick says:

    When you say “hypothetically” do you mean “not hypothetically”?

  20. David says:

    OCD: I miss you, too. Click on me anytime. 🙂

  21. Jalal says:

    Why are all of you LYING when you know what the truth is.

    They hated you in bed. They wanted you to make up for it by doing the dishes.

    And I would agree with Crash that there might be exaggerations. How can we ever know …


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *