November 01, 2003
All right, first things first. This is David. Faustus is away until Tuesday, and I’m in charge here now. Got that? Good. I run a tight ship, so here’s how this is going to work:
1) You all are going to go read my blog, Upside-down Hippopotamus. And not just today, but every day. Read it. Bookmark it. Live it.
2) Those of you with blogs of your own are going to link to my blog, Upside-down Hippopotamus. Do it. Now. (And drop me a line if you do, so I can return the favor.)
People . . . people . . . let’s get cracking! Chop chop! There’s no time to waste.
Now, on with the show:
Last night, Halloween, my boyfriend and I went to the movies and saw the new Charles Busch film, Die Mommie Die (Valuable Life Lesson: “Do not let your embittered wife give you a suppository, especially if she is really a man”). On the way into the theater, a man who turned out to be crazy and gay asked me if I was not cold.
“What?”
“I said, ‘Aren’t you cold?’”
Now, it was a warm night, and I was even wearing a jacket, so I was anything but cold. “No.”
“I’m always cold,” he said. “I have no blood.”
“Maybe you’re a vampire,” I said. He seemed to consider this, so I continued. “Tonight would be your night to howl.”
“I howl every night,” said Crazy Gay Man.
Great.
Rob and I ended up sitting next to them, of course. I don’t know how that happened, since Rob actually saved the seats while I waited in line for snacks. I hadn’t eaten dinner, so I ordered a chicken finger/french fry combo meal and went to find him.
There he was, talking to Crazy Gay Man. I sat on the other side and was so intent on my meal that I was not paying very close attention to their conversation. At one point, I heard CGM say, “Have you been to those theaters where they serve meals? It’s awful. People sit there with chicken dinners in front of them. It’s the end of civilization as we know it.”
So there I sat, on the other side of my boyfriend, munching on the End of Civilization as We Know It. Just my luck that the last meal would be a nauseating pile of grease heated up in a movie theater snack bar’s microwave.
Ah well, at least “a lifetime on the hips” would not be such a daunting prospect.
Before the film began, Rob got up to get another drink, and CGM leaned over his seat and put his hand on my arm. “You know,” he said, staring into my eyes. “You’re very cute.”
I hid the chicken behind the armrest. “It’s dark in here,” I replied, waving my hand in front of your face. “You must not be able to see very well.”
“I can see cute.” He gave me a significant look.
I thought, at least you can't see my chicken dinner. I said, “Oh. Uh. Thanks.”
“I mean it. You are cute.” He squeezed my arm again.
I wished I could say the same, just to deflate the moment, but instead I said, “Well, bless your heart.”
Rob came back then, and took his seat between us. The movie began.
Good times, good times.
Update: The above link is fixed!
Posted by Faustus, MD at 11:51 AM
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Comments
1) Jennifer said (on 11/ 1/03 at 02:17 PM):
I love it! V. amusing. I am going to link to your blog.
2) Anonymous said (on 11/ 1/03 at 05:51 PM):
Hippo, you're OCDing me. The link, the link!
3) David said (on 11/ 1/03 at 07:31 PM):
Oh no! I'm quite certain I never OCD'd anyone in all my days!
Of course, I, um, well, don't know what that means.
But if you mean the link was broken, I just fixed it.
4) Anonymous said (on 11/ 2/03 at 11:13 PM):
Hippo, you're awesome! OCD = Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I just HAD to get to your site and couldn't. Visiting it was becoming my obsession as I clicked compulsive. Thanks for fixing it. You're awesome!
5) David said (on 11/ 3/03 at 01:51 PM):
Jennifer: Thank you! I will link to yours, too, once I finish colsolidating my power here. Empires don't run themselves, you know.
6) David said (on 11/ 3/03 at 01:52 PM):
Anonymous: I am comforted to know that your compulsion has been satisfied.
7) Wayne said (on 11/ 4/03 at 02:42 PM):
You know, you are very cute.
*Squeeze you else where*
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