October 12, 2003
When I was in college, my friend A.N. asked me one day, "If you were the god of something, what would you be the god of?"
To stall for time while I came up with something suitable, I asked her what her answer to the same question would be.
"I would be Convivia, the goddess of cultural fêtes," she said. "My worshipers would raise my image in ice at cocktail parties and gallery openings."
Inspiration struck in a flash. "I would be the god of postmodernism," I said. "At my annual festival, which would take place on a different day every year, and sometimes twice a year, and sometimes not at all, my followers would present French absurdist plays staged with action figures—Barbie and Princess Leia do The Maids, Skeletor does Krapp's Last Tape, and so on. They would follow these with celebratory exegetical readings from T.V. Guide."
"What would your name be?" she asked.
"Deconstructio."
This suited me quite well for years, but this morning I started thinking again about the whole thing and realized that my character and value systems have changed in the last ten years. I still find Deconstructio an amusing and compelling character, but I feel he's no longer the most appropriate answer to my friend's question.
So: if I were a god, what would I be the god of?
Posted by Faustus, MD at 11:38 PM
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Comments
1) cf said (on 10/12/03 at 11:44 PM):
That's a beautiful question!
2) Faustus, M.D. said (on 10/13/03 at 12:03 AM):
It certainly is. But what's the answer?
3) JW said (on 10/13/03 at 02:35 AM):
Leave it to me -- I'll presume to attempt an answer by offering a handful of suggestions:
1. generosity
2. gay orgies
3. neurosis
4. the key of A-flat major and all of its uses
5. glitter
4) Sabrina_C said (on 10/13/03 at 02:41 AM):
i would be the goddess Blah, you would pray to me for general apathy to help you cope with a devistating breakup, the fact that the vending machine is out of diet coke and maybe the fact that you have cancer and are going to die. I probably wouldn't be good for anything, but you'd need me cause I am a basic coping mechanism.
5) Jonny said (on 10/13/03 at 06:39 AM):
How about the God of Hotpants?
6) Jalal said (on 10/13/03 at 08:02 AM):
God of Homosexuality ;)
7) Jalal said (on 10/13/03 at 08:03 AM):
Sorry didnt finish it.
"Gaio" - God of Homosexuality
;)
8) Jeff said (on 10/13/03 at 09:44 AM):
Neurotica, god of OCD. Or god of hotpants -- and we'll need pictures for that.
I'd be Crampacious, god of claustrophobia. Or Navelius Gazius, god of introspection.
9) NJ said (on 10/13/03 at 09:55 AM):
You should be the God of the Spirit Stick.... you could bestowe stunting advice, tumbling coaching, and jump technique to those cheerleaders less worthy than you.
10) Wayne said (on 10/13/03 at 11:35 AM):
For some reason... I can only picture Faustus as a nymph....
11) Wayne said (on 10/13/03 at 11:36 AM):
Don't get anyone wrong idea. I'd love to be a fairy myself. But I'm too damn "big" and "hairy" and plus my belly... argh... I'm a troll.. I'm a troll!!
12) joe said (on 10/13/03 at 01:07 PM):
How about Prepositio? He could be the god of people that end sentences with prepositions.
13) Faustus, M.D. said (on 10/13/03 at 02:12 PM):
Joe, to quote Winston Churchill (though the exact wording of the quote varies depending on whom you ask), that is a form of arrant pedantry up with which I shall not put.
Perhaps Pedantio?
14) Patrick said (on 10/13/03 at 06:20 PM):
Perhaps A.N. meant to be the goddess of cultural fêtes?
15) matt said (on 10/13/03 at 06:25 PM):
I like the other quote -- obviously not Churchill -- that we might paraphrase thus: "what would I be the god of, bitch?"
6. gay cheerleading
7. hymns to despair
8. double dactyls
9. searching for love in manhattan (bet there'd be a lot of worshippers at that shrine)
and of course:
10. blog comment smackdowns...
16) Adam807 said (on 10/13/03 at 07:49 PM):
That's it, Matt! The god of Bitch!
17) joe said (on 10/14/03 at 10:09 AM):
Ah, so you think *I'm* being pedantic? Hello? Coals? Newcastle? Kettle? Call for you on line 2, someone from the Hypocrisy Council...something about winning an award....
18) Pete said (on 10/16/03 at 07:44 PM):
If you find the "God of Chocolate" please let me know..... i will be more than willing to set aside many a Sunday for worship.... hotpants on the otherhand.... well......
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