August 13, 2003

T.H. here, with my Wednesday report. Rather than proceed with my regularly scheduled broadcast, I feel the need to say a few brief words:

I don’t kiss and tell…without a book deal or an open bar tab, that is (although several cocktails often lead to more kissing and telling…it’s a vicious circle, isn’t it?). Those of you waiting for “The Story of T.H. and Faustus, as told by T.H. (with special forward by Jude Law)” will have to get used to having a little mystery in your lives. Or draft up a quick contract with the publishing firm of your choice and send it to me, with a hefty advance check enclosed, and prepare to buy me drinks.

However, being the generous soul that I am, I can’t leave you completely in the dark. Below, I have provided the answers to some of the more common questions that are no doubt circling around out there…without having provided the questions themselves. Without further delay, and in no particular order, they are:

1. Yes.
2. Oh my goodness, yes.
3. No, but I wouldn’t have objected.
4. I’m not at liberty to say.
5. True redhead.

A bit like Gay Jeopardy!, no? It could bring entirely new meaning to the term “Daily Double”. Perhaps I should pitch this to the boys over at Bravo.