July 14, 2003

Saturday, after the cheerleading squad cheered at the New York Sharks game, one of the flyers revealed that, because of other things going on in her life, she’s going to be taking time off from the squad.

I hugged her goodbye and told her I’d miss her but secretly I spent the entire subway ride home—a long one, as the game was in Queens—trying not to let my nearly uncontainable glee show on my face, because naturally I am the obvious choice to replace her.

Then I remembered that there are tryouts for the squad next Thursday, and since then I have been consumed with fear that people smaller than me will show up and make the squad and that I’ll get passed over for flyer status.

The solution, of course, is that I’ll have to go to the tryouts, get the names and addresses of all the people smaller than me, and arrange for them to meet with unfortunate accidents.

Because I’m going to be a flyer if it kills me.

Or, more accurately, if it kills others.

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9 Responses to Saturday, after the cheerleading squad

  1. Kem says:

    Just wanted to say that I love you and that, if I was straight and at all inclined to reproduce, which I am not, I would love to have your demonic offspring. I know you will make a terrific flyer. Heck, I could probably pick you up.

    Actually, that’s a lie, ok, not the loving you or terrific flyer part. But. I really wanted to ask you a grammar question. I’m having a bit of a problem with who/whom. Is it “Do you know whom I really miss?” or “Do you know who I really miss?” I’m thinking “whom” but it sounds so awful said aloud… help me!

  2. Erin says:

    Who/whom grammar and other confuzzling words.

  3. Technically, “whom” is correct in this case. However, anybody who said “Do you know whom I really miss?” in casual conversation is not somebody I would care to have anything to do with.

  4. aool says:

    are you available … or are you taken ?

  5. What’s a flyer? (In terms of cheer-leading, I mean…)

    And, in reference to “who” and “whom”, just use modern British (descriptive) grammar: an acceptance that “whom” is archaic usage, reserved only for hypercorrective people obsessed with prescriptive grammars (and Americans, it seems), and to be ignored at all times, other than in a couple of set expressions, such as “To whom it may concern”. There, that makes life easier!

  6. sarrah says:

    go get ’em tiger! *sending positive flyer energies* come to circus school in london! They’ve got skills specific tumbling classes! It’s way fun and i think you’d fancy the coach!

  7. Oh you little Tonya Harding….I hope they all watch their knees for the next few weeks!

  8. Wayne says:

    You are Evvvviiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. But cool in a way. Evil rules. Go, Go, break their knees.

  9. Dan says:

    Come to think of it, those try outs are around my corner…and I lost so much weight on the treatmill, I used to be a Gymnast, so why shouldn´t I apply…
    and all those cute bttm-boys in their tight shorts…Are you up for it , Faustus?


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