July 6, 2003

Oh, what the hell. This is technically today’s second post, but really it’s just a reposting of yesterday’s deleted post. For a discussion of why I deleted it in the first place, see today’s first post. For a discussion of why I’m reposting it, see my subconscious.

Before my assignation early this morning with a married man, I was planning to write a post about how scandalous and titillated I felt having an assignation with a married man. (It hadn’t happened yet, but I was sure I would feel scandalous and titillated once it did.)

However, though I did feel moderately scandalous and titillated, something else happened that seemed more interesting, which is that I learned something.

What I learned is this: though being ordered around in bed turns me on more than I can possibly say, being called a whore in the middle of sex does not.

Not that I fault him; he was clearly participating in the game of sex rather than expressing his actual opinion of me. And, after all, his understanding, of however recent a date, of my other preferences could easily lead him to believe that I would be aroused by name-calling as well. How I’ve managed to reach the ripe old age of 30 without discovering otherwise is a mystery to me.

But at that moment, what had been theretofore a delightful, if somewhat smarmy, experience—or perhaps delightful because somewhat smarmy—acquired a tinge of unpleasantness. Just a tinge—certainly not enough to cause me to put a stop to the activity in which we were both enjoyably engaged—but, still, I was taken aback.

The problem was, what to do about it? To say anything would completely destroy the tone of the encounter, which was otherwise most satisfactory. And I couldn’t meaningfully refuse him access to my inmost depths, as there was no part of my inmost depths into which I hadn’t already welcomed him. But I had to do something to defend my honor.

And then circumstances provided me with the perfect opportunity, and my mother wit was for once quick enough to take immediate advantage of it.

For the first time in my life I spit instead of swallowing.

I feel so triumphant I could burst.

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10 Responses to Oh, what the hell. This

  1. What I want to know: is this the married guy you spent a month flirting mercilessly with and pondered plying with liquor?

    If so, kudos!

  2. Alas, no. Though it was he who spent a month flirting mercilessly with me, in the end he proved impervious to my charms.

  3. Angelo says:

    I LOVE you.

  4. Tin Man says:

    *opens up Faustus’s brain*

    *looks at Faustus’s subconscious*

    Oh… wow.

  5. Wayne says:

    Wow, is he cute? I mean, tell him that I say HI!!

  6. Wayne says:

    Anyway, I can understand that feeling. I dated a guy hrm… 4 years ago? Yeah, that’s a while back… And like, well, you know, uh.. Well… What I’m trying to say is… When he pulled out a pair of handcuffs from his drawer… It was a shocker with me. I mean, a regular handcuff would be cool. But the one he held in his hand… has PINK feathers around it… I didn’t know what to act or what to say. I was in the state of shock. — But anyway, we didn’t use it. I told him that “Pink is my color, not yours. Put that damn thing away!” – He put it back into the drawer.
    Lesson Learned: Pink Feathery Handcuff is a turn off for me.

  7. Dkelsmith says:

    Do you have any guilt about the tryst with the married man. Believe it or not, I am not being judgemental, just curious that is all.

  8. Buni says:

    You know, years ago when I started out, I pondered that same thought; should I fel guilty or not? After much deliberation I came to the conclusion, however shallow this may seem, that if I didn’t know the woman then I had no cause for guilt.

    So that’s now my rule; once I meet her, it’s finished.

  9. RM says:

    I used to have that philosophy, until I had the realization that nowhere in our society’s general moral outlook do we say that knowing someone personally is a requirement for behaving morally towards them. So even if you don’t know the spouse, you are not relieved of your moral obligation towards them. That said, if its fun and feels good, sometimes its tough to say no….

  10. Buni, that’s more or less my rule too. RM, for me at least the rule is based not on treating other people morally but on not being a hypocrite—it’s one thing to cuckold somebody (I know that’s an incorrect usage of the verb but as far as I know there’s no female equivalent) but quite another to do it and then have dinner with her the next night. In the first case, one is a cad; in the second, one is both a cad and false. Dkelsmith, I think my answer is yes, but not enough to prevent me.


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