July 10, 2003

I thought I was gay as I could possibly get. I mean, what with the orgies, the knitting, the cucumber and mud masks, and the general super-homosexuality—I would provide links to various posts detailing these and other illustrations of my entertaining if occasionally excessive fagginess, but I can’t work the new Blogger interface—I figured I’d gone as far as I could go.

I figured wrong.

On August 17, I will reach the zenith of my queerness; I will achieve, if you will, my gaypotheosis.

I’m taking the test to be certified as an aerobics instructor.

No need to crowd to kiss my hand or touch the hem of my robe; there’s enough of me for everybody to share.

I know this from experience.

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14 Responses to I thought I was gay

  1. Makky says:

    Wow. Do you have to practice for that?

  2. Thom says:

    But your name, my dear, is so depressingly unqueer… it doesn’t even have a silent “h” or a diacritical. You may need a nameover before moving on to teach aerobics if you’re going to continue to raise the barre for fagitude.

  3. Makky, the answer is yes, so wish me luck.

    Thom, there’s an invisible h, with an accent grave. I should think that would be more than sufficient.

  4. Ben says:



    You just have to submit that to pseudodictionary.com

  5. Akasha says:

    Yay, with that your sex life will increase 10 fold! Can’t wait for the new sexcapades to come..

  6. David says:


    I think it must be in the dictionary already. I could have sworn that some kid from Iowa got that word at the National Spelling Bee.

  7. Wayne says:

    Wow, Faustus is going to be like Jane Fonda… Famous.. and we’ll get to see him on TV… and on videos… and there will be Faustus posters all over the place..wearing the tight tight tight tights… and those long thick socks. (Sorry, I don’t know what those socks are called. Those are pretty popular among the Japanese Jr. High Girls)

  8. Anonymous #7 (on dialup) says:


  9. tim says:

    Hey hey hey… not all male fitness instructors are gay. By the way, the new term is fitness instructor. If you are going to join my ranks, you must use the correct terminology.

  10. Jonny says:

    If may may not kiss the hem of your robe, may we worship a piece of your spandex in the privacy of our own home?

  11. brenda says:

    How do you have TIME for all this?! I think you should look into ballroom dance instructor too…

  12. aool says:

    well i guess i finally got to kiss your hand and touch the hem of your robe … man … was there a crowd i had to push and tug at … you need to control your popularity or you might get smothered by people 😉 … also … do you think there is such a thing as a cyber relationship …

  13. brenda says:

    Queen for a Day Thought you might like this…:)

  14. Peg says:

    Wow, that’s a whole lot of work, good luck!! When you get famous and have your very own infomercial, I’ll order your DVD!! (by then, I should – hopefully – elevated my fitness level beyond beyond Leslie Sansone’s WATP series)!


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