June 1, 2003

N.B.: Yesterday, I posted three times. Today I’m back to my regular one.

In my junior year of high school, I threw a birthday party and invited my whole class. Unfortunately for me, Matthew Gibson—one of the few decent people in the class—happened accidentally to be throwing a party the same night, so everybody went to his party and three people came to mine. All four of us sat around and pretended nothing was wrong.

When I walked into homeroom at school the next day, Mary Beth Crawford turned around, saw me, and said, “Hey, Faustus, I heard you had a really bitchin’ party last night!”

This was thirteen years ago and I still have dreams about rending her flesh into a thousand tiny pieces.

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9 Responses to N.B.: Yesterday, I posted three

  1. Angelo says:

    I’d offer my own memory of my junior year of high school were it not for the fact that, for the most part, that period of time continues to evade me, as do most things that come with illegal substances and teenage angst.

    I think I’ve managed to save my bong though.

  2. I can track her down and take care of that for you….she’s a bitch…she must die…

  3. tim says:

    I think she should be used as fuel…

  4. milksop says:

    I’m agog that you used Matthew Gibson’s and Mary Beth Crawford’s full names instead of your patented initial-grams. What if they are among your devotees? What if you lose faithful readers? What if Matthew Gibson is both a top and your soul-mate?

  5. Milksop, you’ll remember that this isn’t the first time I’ve used the full names of people I know–that was back in December. There’s a principle at work here—I’m not sure if it’s that they’re no longer in my life, or that I don’t count anybody from my high school as a real person, or what—but Matthew Gibson, while one of the few decent people in my class, is married to a nice girl named Jennifer and is therefore unlikely to be my soul mate.

    And Mary Beth Crawford deserves whatever she gets.

  6. I tracked down Mary Beth Crawford. She’s now pregnant with thirteen children (a set of twins {Tim and Tom}, two sets of triplets {Terry, Larry, and Barry/Velma, Selma, and Thelma}, and one set of quintuplets {Charlene, Carlene, Darlene, Marlene, and Fred}, been divorced six times, and currently lives in a shoe of the non-Prada variety.

  7. Bryan says:

    heheh nice post 😛

  8. Wayne says:

    hrm, is Matthew Gibson cute?

  9. Pingback: The Search for Love in Manhattan

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