June 26, 2003

N.B.: This is today’s second post.

I will now share with you the most embarrassing story from my past, which, as you might imagine, is chock full of embarrassing stories. But this one takes the cake.

In my junior year of high school, I was required, as were all my compatriots, to take Health class. The course was made up of several units: alcohol (which involved stern warnings not to drink alcohol), drugs (which involved stern warnings not to do drugs), sex (which involved stern warnings not to have sex), and self-actualization (which involved stern warnings to self-actualize).

At the end of the course, we all had to do a final project. Allen Hutcheson and Grady Hendrix made a movie about the dangers of alcohol that was among the most bitterly tongue-in-cheek pieces of art or literature ever created, on par with, say, Bukharin’s speech in the Case of the Anti-Soviet Bloc of Rights and Trotskyites. I don’t remember what anybody else did.

I made a mix tape about self-actualization.

With my little tape recorder (this was before the days of CD burners, or even CDs) I recorded, alternately, songs and readings that seemed to me to support self-actualization, or at least the actualization of my own self. I included, if memory serves, the Indigo Girls’ “Closer To Fine,” a choral piece called “You Are The New Day” (which really is a gorgeous piece of writing), and passages (read by me in my just-cracked voice) from The Lord Won’t Mind and Tales of the City. (I’m sure there was more, but, mercifully, I’ve blocked further memories.)

When I was done, I made a cover for the tape; it was the faggiest thing ever created by the hand of man. I wrote the name of the project with curlicues in gold and silver writing with decorations done in colored marker. I think I drew a rainbow on it.

I called it—would to God I were making this up—Whispers: Steps Along the Path to an Understanding of the Joy of Life.

(Whispers was the name of the trendiest hair salon in town. Actually, its full name was Whispers Hair in Motion.)

I got an A+.

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13 Responses to N.B.: This is today's second

  1. D.R. says:

    Hey, that sounds like what you got me for my last birthday.

    No, wait . . . you got me the One Ring, evilest of artifacts.

    Same difference.

  2. Jonny says:

    Oh Faustus… first I hear you wore shorts on your date, and now this. ;-D

  3. I’m not so shocked by your creation; we all do things that make us cringe later in life – although I must admit yours does sound particularly cringe-worthy!

    Actually, I think I’m more shocked at the way you ever-so-casually threw that Bukharin link into your posting. It’s hardly the kind of text people tend to accidentally come across on a brief surfing session.

    You must have hidden depths, Faustus!

  4. Angelo says:

    Oh. Hell. No.

  5. gerald says:


    well i could think of a title even “faggier”…you could have called it “fuck me in the ass: steps along the path to an understanding of the joy of life”

  6. Smarty says:

    David (TEFL Smiler): Faustus’ depths are hidden from no man . . . ;p

  7. David says:


    I will love you more than me, and more than yesterday, If you can but prove to me, you are the new day…or at least show me how they set hair in motion at Whispers.

  8. Wayne says:

    You call that faggiest thing ever created by the hand of man? Oh my, you should have seen the little “house” (or Palace, whatever you like to call it) I did for my 4th grade project. It involved a lot of feather, glitter, Care-Bare stickers… Hmm… well, you get the idea.

    I got a B.

  9. Nick says:

    Well if you’re ever wanting to change the name of your blog, “Whispers: Steps Along the Path to an Understanding of the Joy of Life.” still works.

  10. Wayne says:

    Opps, Its Carebear, not careBARE. (its way too hot today, I just can’t wait to bare it all~)

  11. Jonny, I can plead my absolutely fantastic legs as an excuse for the shorts, but I have no defense for this. David (TEFL Smiler), Bukharin has long been a hero of mine, ever since I found that at the age of five, he decided he was the Antichrist, and, since the mother of the Antichrist was supposed to be a prostitute, he asked his mother if she was a whore. Angelo, I hope this won’t get in the way of our being soul mates. Gerald and Smarty, you are both right. David, I thought you already loved me more than you and more than yesterday. Wayne, I never had a Care Bear but do you know where I can get a Care Bare? And Nick, there is in fact a relaunch and renaming in the works, but, alas, I think the moment for that one has passed. Thank God.

  12. Convivia says:

    Should hair be in motion? I mean, sure, if you’re one of Charlie’s Angels or something. But the rest of us like our hair to stay more or less where we left it, yes?

  13. Akasha says:

    Try a search on ebay.. I’m sure someone out there is selling Care Bare’s. 😉


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