May 25, 2003

I broke down and called him Saturday morning. He explained that he hadn’t read the e-mail until the night before.

“I don’t have a policy against dating people in my class,” he said, “and I’m flattered, but I do have a policy against dating people when I’m already dating somebody.”

I immediately burst into flames of self-loathing and despair.

“Oh,” I said, and then realized that my voice had all the warmth and personality of someone just arisen from the tomb. I cleared my throat and tried again.

“OH!,” I shrieked. “HE’S A LUCKY GUY!”

Now I have to figure out which of the following is true:

a) he’s telling the truth, in which case I have to keep going to his step class forever in the hope that they break up;
b) he’s lying in order to spare my feelings, and the real truth is that he would sooner rip out all his fingernails one by one than go out with me, in which case I can never go to his step class again because it would be humiliating; or
c) he’s telling the truth, but even if he were single he would still sooner rip out all his fingernails one by one than go out with me, in which case I have no idea what to do.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.