January 2, 2003

1. I have spoken with Milksop, and he has expressed his intention to start a blog at some point in the not-so-far future. When this happens, I will make sure to link to it and we can all live in harmony together.

2. The magical hair product that prevents sex hair is called—I’m not making this up—göt2b glued. Below this title on the bottle are the words “styling SPIKING GLUE [water resistant] 4: screaming hold—>spike, grip, chunk.” It is in a yellow bottle, part of the göt2bme brand put out by a company evidently named FatBoy. I swear, with this stuff in your hair you could stop a battalion of Panzers. Or of pansies, as the case may be.

3. In order that you might understand more clearly how phenomenally fucked up I am in my daily interactions with practically everybody I speak to and, in fact, with most people I don’t speak to, I am sharing with you a lyric I have recently finished:

I stopped by to tell you I’m not neurotic.
I mean, you probably think I’m neurotic,
Especially after what I said this afternoon.
I mean, you laughed, but I wasn’t sure you meant it,
Or if you were thinking, “What a neurotic freak!”
But it’s okay and you don’t have to, ’cause I’m not.

I came back to tell you I’m not obsessive.
I’m not obsessive, no, I’m not, I’m not obsessive.
I mean, sometimes, yes, it’s vital that I think a lot
About important things, like did I leave the stove on?
And what if you like me less than you did yesterday?
But that doesn’t make me obsessive, ’cause I’m not obsessive.

But you’ve been acting strange
Since that day three weeks ago
When I didn’t smile when you said hello.
I should have known that you’d get mad.
You’re just so fucking sensitive.
You take offense, you don’t forgive—
Well, I’m not sure I want to live
Like this

At last I can tell you: I think it’s over.
I’m sick and tired of you making me crazy
When I am not the one who has the problem here.
If I’ve been anxious and upset and weird, it’s your fault.
But I’m starting over. As of today, from now on,
I’m going to a different postal worker to buy my stamps.

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12 Responses to 1. I have spoken with

  1. Peter says:

    Hey, that’s my hair product, too! Well, one of them anyway. I have four. Only two of them are actually in my hair at this moment. This is not an interesting thing to say; you don’t really care. I’m going to shut up now.

  2. Convivia says:

    It comes in colors, too–I have it in stop-sign red, which is exceptionally cute, even on an elderly matron like me.

  3. Aurelia says:

    I’ve just discover your link because I was looking for a place to meet some french people ( I`m french) .
    I like very much what you writte even if sometimes I don’t understand what you writte ( because of my english!).

    See you later!

  4. Faustus, MD says:

    Peter, I think hair product is in fact the most vital and fascinating topic of conversation available to gay men. Convivia, I myself also have electric blue, but it doesn’t really work for me, so I’m going to toss it, unless you’d like me to send it to you.

  5. Chris says:

    Gay men AND Leo faghags, you mean. It’s ALL about the hair.

    My favorite thing is Bedhead Manipulator, but I’ll have to try this got2b stuff.

  6. ed k. says:

    Okay … you know I love you. And you should know that I’d be willing to suck you out like a Hoover Vaccume Cleaner if need be (swallowing is a negotiable item). But I’m afraid that I have never had more than one product in my hair at any one time for 98% of my entire life time. I guess I’ll have to turn in my homosexual card now, huh?

  7. I don’t use any hair products although I probably should. My hair is too fine to really do much…

  8. Although ya know…the talk of hair products would probably make an interesting scene in the new play that I’m writing

  9. oh and are you coming to the blogger bash?

  10. PatCH says:

    How about Crew pomade? Even for my industrial-strength, elephant-grade unmanageable hair, it works. Most of the time, at least.

    Happy new year, by the way. For whatever it’s worth three days late.

  11. Jeff says:

    Love it. Let me know when the single is released; I’ll run out and buy it. No, really.

  12. sam says:

    So Sondhiem-esque.


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