December 15, 2002

I have a zit on my nose. This is the first zit I have had in fifteen years. When I was an adolescent, I had terrible, terrible skin, far worse than your standard adolescent skin. I eventually went to a dermatologist, who prescribed an acne medication that, though it evidently put me at risk for damage to my liver, intestines, eyes, ears, and skeletal system, as well as serious psychiatric problems up to and including suicide (none of which anybody told me at the time), had the virtue of banishing my acne once and for all.

Or so I thought.

Now I have a zit on my nose, and I’m terrified that, if my acne is coming back, the rest of my adolescent miseries can’t be far behind. Soon I will be having dozens of conversations every day that mirror this one:

W.E.: “Hey, Faustus, where’d you get your pants?”

FAUSTUS (smiling proudly at his bright green pants with white piping on the side): “J.C. Penney.”

W.E.: “They’re really . . . spiffy.”

(W.E. bursts into poorly muffled laughter and immediately starts talking to his friends, pointing at FAUSTUS. FAUSTUS looks down at pants and knows people hate him but doesn’t understand why.)

Dear God, do they have Accutane for the soul?

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7 Responses to I have a zit on

  1. chevy says:

    i swear i just teared up a little.

  2. Convivia says:

    I think you could write a book called “Accutane for the Soul” and really clean up.

    “Clean and Clear Persa-Gel 10” from Johnson and Johnson is the best OTC zit remedy available. I myself use it on the rare occasion when a blemish mars my cameo-perfect complexion.

    And Winslow Hastie is paunchy, balding, and has erectile dysfunction now. He also hates his job and his marriage, and his only solace is fantasizing about the players when he watches “Monday Night Football.” He is Trent Lott’s bitch. You know I’m right.

    Whereas ***you**** are a Hot Gay Man in Manhattan, a genius composer and lyricist, and a CHEERLEADER.

    In the words of my dear friend Eric Schwartz, “Who da bitch now?”



  3. fish says:

    I feel you. Except for the one zit in 15 years thing. Curses on you!

  4. Choire says:

    Oh my god. Accutane almost KILLED ME. The dehydration was INCREDIBLE.

  5. Akasha says:

    Neutrogena Face and Body wash for acne works great as well.. !

  6. Adam807 says:

    Did you really have green pants with white piping from JC Penney? And were you proud of them? ‘Cause I was a pretty big nerd with bad skin and mediocre fashion sense at best, and even I think that’s pretty sad.

    “Hey Willow, I’m so glad to see you’ve found the softer side of Sears.”


  7. ed k. says:

    Stuff like this makes me love you all the more.


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