Yesterday, the universe paid me back in spades for the horror it had visited upon me the night before.
On my way to meet a men4sexnow.com guy for sex at the obscenely early hour of 8:30 in the morning, I noticed that the neighborhood looked vaguely familiar. When I got to his building, the sense of déja vu intensified. And when I saw the names next to his buzzer, I realized that the déja vu came from the fact that I had déja vued the place.
This was the very apartment that was the scene of a disastrous date I went on FIVE YEARS AGO. A date that left me sinking in a morass of self-hatred, rage, and anguish.
Of course, most of my dates do that, but that’s beside the point.
The last time I was in this apartment it was occupied by 1) my date, who spent the entire evening fooling around with me before revealing that he was a hopeless alcoholic and kicking me out, and 2) his roommate, who happened to be an acquaintance of mine. I knew that the guy I was meeting this time was neither one of these people, so I assumed he’d just moved in recently and the landlord hadn’t had a chance to change the names by the buzzer yet.
And he was totally hot, and we had totally hot sex.
I cannot begin to communicate the sense of invincibility I felt. I had conquered the genius of the place. I had returned to the scene of my humiliation and triumphed in a blaze of victorious glory. I realized that my old defeats don’t have to be millstones around my neck, that I can leave behind the parts of me that displease me and become, fully, the person I wish to be.
Then when I got home I found I’d gained a pound and a half since the day before, and burst into tears.