November 30, 2002

Tonight I received a sign from God.

It was terrifying.

I went to an orgy in an apartment on the Upper West Side. When I got there, there were four or five attractive guys entangled in each other, so I joined in; several attractive guys came in after that, and I more or less appointed myself the unofficial welcoming committee. Everything was going beautifully—the atmosphere was relaxed and full of cameraderie and yet sexually charged; I was discovering where the various people I was doing things to preferred me to do them, and was also enjoying having things done to me. It was lovely.

And then who should walk in but the disfigured man from last week’s unmitigated disaster of an orgy?

It was as if I had been at a party at a friend’s house having a great time playing charades and suddenly Anna Nicole Smith had walked in.

Horrified, I accomplished what I had come to do, and, rather than sticking around and accomplishing it a few more times, I hightailed it out of there and walked 25 blocks home, hoping (in vain, as it turned out) that the exercise would rid me of some of the despair.

Perhaps this wasn’t a sign from God, and I am actually in some sort of pornographic spy movie without realizing it, and he is an enemy agent after the the microfilm someone has planted, without my knowledge, somewhere deep enough in my body that it hasn’t yet been dislodged by all the other things that have been planted deep in my body.

Upon reflection, that idea isn’t really any more comforting than the sign from God theory.

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8 Responses to Tonight I received a sign

  1. God says:

    Do not go to orgies.

    Love,
    God

    Reply
  2. goddess says:

    Listen to God.

    Love,
    Goddess

    Reply
  3. S.H. says:

    Dear God and Goddess,

    Shut up and let the boy get some nooky.

    And don’t bother so much with the deformed man next time.

    Yours,
    Secular Humanist

    Reply
  4. Lucifer says:

    This is a prophecy. Your ability to find all the love and passion you desire can be fulfilled. You can be happier than you could ever possibly know. All you have to do is come to the realization that your future life partner is the disfigured man.

    Sincerely,

    The Devil

    Reply
  5. D.R. says:

    I thought *I* was the devil. Sheesh.

    Reply
  6. Buddha says:

    It’s karma, my son…. you’re paying a karmic debt for something you have done extremely nasty either in your previous life, or this one.

    The disfigured guy is really your son that you won’t accept.

    You will forever be running away unless you learn to accept and embrace. Even the disfigured guy. [Eeuw!]

    chill! 🙂

    Reply
  7. Farid says:

    sex addicts of a feather flock together

    Reply
  8. Freddy says:

    Well……hmmmmm. I am a (not the) disfigured man. Kinda look like Freddy Krueger. I get some action from some of the guys I hang with. They are not superficial, and have found that I have quite the talented mouth and tongue. Intolerance from the gay community. For shame…

    Reply

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