I am wildly excited.
I have found a web site through which one can buy titles of nobility.
For less than the price of a cup of coffee a day for a year, I am going to become a viscount.
It’s unclear to me whether this title is hereditary, but since the odds against my having any children are quite high, I’m not going to worry about it.
Once I have my title, I will force all my friends and sexual partners to address me as “My Lord.”
Oh, wait, I already do.
Less than the price of a year’s cup of coffee? What is this, the viscount discount?
Wait… the price of a Starbucks cup of coffee, a Dunkin Donuts cup of coffee, or a vending machine cup of coffee? Given this economic spectrum, we are looking at potential differences of hundreds of thousands of dollars.