October 16, 2002

Before he left on his trip, Faustus mentioned that he was having his bedroom painted. Actually, he is having his entire apartment redone. I have decided to surprise him by sneaking in and redesigning it myself, and I know just the model upon which to base it. I have recently become enamored of “Trading Spaces” (I know, I know . . . I am always slightly behind the trend curve, but I just got cable), and this past week, they revealed the most astonishingly grotesque room ever conceived: yellow walls, pink carpet, a garden swing with gravel underneath, a sickly looking dollhouse, and many other atrocities, the most malevolent of which was a bed covered with Astroturf with garlands of flowers wired on. The designer, Kia, was so proud of what she had unleashed upon the world that I have decided to recreate it as faithfully as possible for my dear friend. It actually could not be much worse than what the previous owners had done with the place, and there is always the welcome possibility that Faustus will utilize the garden swing for purposes completely unimagined by its creator.

I will let my dog take over the writing as I start making up my “to do” list.

Goblin Foo Uvula speaks:

Yay yay yay!

Daddy said I could write again. He’s happy I remembered how to shake hands after a year of not doing it. It’s not that hard. I’m smart smart smart!

*lick lick lick lick*

Daddy said I could do something new with my writing and I’ve decided to do a horoscope for dogs. Dogs dogs dogs! If you’re not a dog you can read it but it might not come true. Daddy said it might not come true anyway. Daddy doesn’t have a lot of faith in my abilities. I’m a dog and I’m a Leo so I will only do Leo for now.


Goblin’s “Hound-o-Scope” for Leo
Expect a lot of pooping today (poop poop poop!) and a craving for carrots. Watch out that you don’t pee on your own feet in your haste to come in out of the rain. Strange smells seem enticing but should be avoided at all costs. A tall stranger who wants to smell your genitals may come on too strong but don’t let him get you agitated.

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