June 18, 2002

I am in trouble.

I wrote a charming e-mail in response to the planet out ad of a guy named L.R.; shockingly, I found myself able to forgive his not-quite-perfect grammar and spacing because of his favorable reference to TV psychic Miss Cleo and his use of the word “trend-mongering.” He wrote a charming e-mail in response to my charming e-mail mentioning, among other things, that if we met he would regale me with stories of a night of debauchery with the Go-Gos. I responded by saying that, though I had nothing nearly as glamorous as the Go-Gos to share, I could sing “Colors Of The Wind” from Pocahontas in French.

The problem is that he took me seriously and will expect me to do so.

Of course I can sing “Colors Of The Wind” in French; that’s not the issue. The issue is that the French version sucks. I mean, the French itself is fine, but the text-setting is terrible—:the rhymes all fall in the wrong places and the stresses are all on the wrong syllables.

So what if he thinks I think it’s good? Then he will believe I’m a loser who doesn’t even know proper French pronunciation. Do I give a disclaimer before I start? Do I just go really fast and hope he doesn’t notice?

I’m at a loss here.

I would greatly appreciate any advice you might be able to give me.

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6 Responses to I am in trouble. I

  1. Adam807 says:

    What if he doesn’t speak french? Or doesn’t speak it well? Then he might think it sounds lovely but really have no idea. And not speaking french is hardly a crime. Perhaps he’s fluent in Spanish, or German, or even the International Language of Loooooove…

    As for debauchery with the Go-Gos, you must read Sex Toys of the Gods.

  2. Sidian says:

    I don’t see why you’re in trouble.
    Just tell the guy the truth: you were joking. If he still wants to hear you sing, tell him what you think about the French version, and sing. Why make your situation more difficult by thinking about it so much? Let it go! Life’s too short to worry about such stupid things.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I have read Sex Toys of the Gods and find shockingly few references to nights of debauchery withe the Go-Gos or anything that might bring relief from this whole “Colors of the Wind” fiasco.

    Clearly, your only choice is to change your name and leave town. Failing that, perhaps you could bone up on “Hakuna Matata” and pray you are able to convince him that the title is French for “Colors of the Wind.”

    Of course, you need not fully immerse yourself in the role. I am not sure how attractive you would be as a flatulent warthog.

    No worries.

  4. Adam807 says:

    Well, the girl band in Sex Toys… is based on the Go-Gos, and what’s-her-name is based on Belinda Carlisle. And the protagonist seems about as hapless in love and sex as out hero here on Search for Love. So I thought he’d enjoy it. That’s all I meant.

    Yeah, clearly there won’t be any solutions to the Alan Menken Problem.

  5. rob says:

    uh, the trick is to go with ‘hakuna frittata,’ and hope he doesn’t realize that frittata is italian rather than french.

  6. Pingback: The Search for Love in Manhattan

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