Monthly Archives: October 2003

October 18, 2003

Thank you, everybody, for your suggestions for naming my hard drive. I’ll make sure to post my eventual decision.

The question for the day is: do the bags under my eyes come from

a) lack of sleep;
b) an outward manifestation of the rot that pervades my moral core; or
c) the fact that I’m getting older?

If the answer is a), I can always manage to get a little more sleep.

If the answer is b) I can probably find a way to have somebody paint a portrait of me that I store in my closet; this portrait, like that of Dorian Grey, will display all outward manifestations of moral rot, while I remain eternally young and beautiful.

And if the answer is c) then I should just kill myself now.

I’m kind of hoping for b) but I’m at something of a loss as to how to figure it out.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 7 Comments

October 17, 2003

Just under a year ago, I renamed my hard drive Elizabeth Bennett so it would serve as a reminder and an aid in my quest for clarity of thought.

Now that I have a new computer, it seems appropriate to give my new hard drive a name that will again serve as a reminder and an aid. The thing is that, these days, I feel I have perhaps too much clarity of thought, and that what I need in my life is something else entirely.

I’m thinking of calling my hard drive Auntie Mame, but I’m not completely convinced that that’s right.

I would appreciate any suggestions.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 20 Comments

October 16, 2003

If my sitemeter statistics are to be trusted, then it’s quite likely that at some point over the weekend this blog will pass the 100,000 visitors mark.

At one point this would have filled me with ineffable joy.

Now it just makes me feel exhausted.

But there’s a site redesign in the works. This will either rejuvenate me and fill me with hope again, or send me over the edge.

I know which option I’m betting on.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 7 Comments

October 15, 2003

It turns out that not taking the new computer out of the box was a bad idea, as the gods saw fit to punish the cowardice thereby displayed by causing my old computer to crash in a spectacular and, without the outlay of a sum of money not currently in my bank account, irredeemable way.

That’s why I didn’t post yesterday.

But the new computer is all set up now, at least the basics, and my friend D.R. is coming over on Friday to help me get the data off the old one as well as to install software goodies on this one.

In other news, tonight I went to my first urban rebounding class at the gym. This consisted of getting on a little trampoline and jumping up and down in ways the novelty of which began to pale long before class was over. Nonetheless, I did derive a certain amount of glee from this attenuated return to one of childhood’s great pleasures.

Perhaps I’ll go to Central Park and climb trees this weekend.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 6 Comments

October 13, 2003

My new computer [link no longer active] arrived today.

I haven’t opened the box yet, because I’m worried that the resulting surfeit of bliss might actually kill me.

But oh, what a way to go!

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 8 Comments

October 12, 2003

When I was in college, my friend A.N. asked me one day, “If you were the god of something, what would you be the god of?”

To stall for time while I came up with something suitable, I asked her what her answer to the same question would be.

“I would be Convivia, the goddess of cultural f

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 18 Comments

October 11, 2003

Today I went to my first yoga class.

Technically it wasn’t my first yoga class

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 10 Comments

October 10, 2003

On Wednesday, I got certified to perform CPR. This is the next-to-last step in my becoming an aerobics instructor (the last step being actually auditioning at gyms and getting a job).

There are two ways of clearing a possibly blocked airway when somebody isn’t breathing: the regular way (head tilt-chin lift), which you use most of the time, and the jaw thrust, which you use when you suspect the victim may have a head injury. When you’ve used the head tilt-chin lift method of clearing the airway, mouth-to-mouth is pretty simple: you pinch the person’s nose and blow air into his or her mouth. When you’re using the jaw thrust method, however, it’s much trickier, because you’re using both hands to keep the airway open and so you can’t pinch the nose shut. So you end up having to contort your head so that you can block the nostrils with your cheek while blowing air into the person’s mouth.

Anyway, if this all sounds very complicated, it is. Our teacher said that some students never get the hang of it, and that nobody ever gets it right on the first try.

Then I got it right on the first try.

I am a CPR genius.

Now I just have to arrange for Guy Pearce to collapse in front of me with a possible head injury.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 8 Comments

October 9, 2003

I was going to post about how well the reading went, but I am so filled with joy at having found my knitting (which I’d left at NYU and which no one could find and so which I assumed had inexplicably been stolen) that I’m finding it difficult to concentrate on the Holocaust.

The one thing I’ll say is that I was doing totally fine until I looked over and saw my father in tears, at which point I melted, thawed, and resolved myself into a dew.

Luckily, I seem to have resolidified enough by now to knit and purl. I should have a sweater finished just in time for winter.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 6 Comments

October 8, 2003

It is I, Faustus. I have returned.

Monday was the Jewish Day of Atonement, on which I both fasted and had a long conversation with someone I’d hurt in a pretty spectacular way. I don’t believe I’ve atoned yet, but I understand some things about myself a lot better now than I did three days ago.

Then yesterday was the reading of my Holocaust musical, which is full of songs with names like “Hell Is Another Name For Man.”

Jesus Christ, I’m pooped.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 6 Comments