Monthly Archives: April 2002

April 21, 2002

I got an e-mail from W.F. in which he demonstrated his understanding of the difference between a sentence-internal ellipsis (three periods) and a sentence-final ellipsis (four periods).

I am in love.

Now I just need to go on a second date with him.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 1 Comment

April 16, 2002

So last Friday I went on a date with a guy named W.F. At least I think it was a date. It didn’t end in sex, and in my hyper-sexualized state of existence, that threw me into a morass of uncertainty.

We had lunch at Raffaela’s and then we got dessert. He got up to look at the dessert display and came back and said, “I know what I want. It’s this hexagonal tart that’s part raspberry mousse and part chocolate.” So he ordered that, and it came, and it was a regular, triangular piece of dessert. This was my immediate thought: “That’s not hexagonal. I can never love you. You don’t even know basic shapes.” Then a second thought occurred to me and, pretending that I had to go to the bathroom, I got up and snuck over to the dessert case. Indeed, his dessert was only a slice of an originally hexagonal dessert. So I realized I could love him after all.

Of course, it wasn’t a tart, but I can forgive that.

Except—wait—it is just occurring to me that maybe he said not “tart” but “torte,” which is what it actually was—in which case he is perfect and I love him.

Now I have to figure out if this was actually a date or not.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 3 Comments

April 7, 2002

This morning, E.S., with whom I’ve been having nice and casual sex once or twice a week for several weeks, referred to himself as my boyfriend.

Then my head exploded.

So now I guess the only thing to do is to get a joint checking account and become completely codependent on each other and inextricably linked in ways that make us both miserable.

Either that or move to Burkina Faso (formerly Upper Volta).

I’ll post as soon as I decide which option to take.

Posted on by Joel Derfner | 2 Comments