Welcome to my website. I'm Joel Derfner, a composer and writer in New York City. I also am or have been a knitter, step aerobics instructor, cheerleader, go-go boy, and math teacher.

I hope you enjoy the time you spend here. Don't hesitate to get in touch with me if you have any questions or want to help fill the gaping maw of my need for approval by telling me you think I'm smart, funny, or attractive. (Note that, although in my books I come across as judgmental of people with less than impeccable grammar and spelling, if you are writing me an e-mail that says nice things about me I become completely blind to any errors you might make.)

While you're here, in addition to looking around, you can:

1. Read the secret blog about the writing and publication process of my book Swish: My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever and What Ended Up Happening Instead. Send me an e-mail about your favorite part of the book, and I'll send you the password.

2. Download the excerpt from Swish here or in the sidebar to the right. If you e-mail it to five friends (ccing me) and recommend the book, I'll send you an unpublished short story.

3. Compete in the Second Annual Swish Gay-Off (rules below).

2009 ANNUAL SWISH GAY-OFF!

Send me an e-mail about the gayest thing you did as a child. Note, please, that you needn't be gay to enter. Technically you must have at one point in your existence been a child, but I won't be checking rigorously. Do with that information what you will.

The winner of the gay-off will receive an inscribed copy of Swish and either a knitted hat or a knitted penis cozy (his or her choice). The runner-up will receive either an inscribed copy of Swish, a knitted hat, or a knitted penis cozy (his or her choice). The deadline for entry is July 15 at 11:59 p.m.

May the gayest person win!