Monthly Archives: March 2006

Okay, the fucking was simulated, but still.

There’s nothing quite like not being able to sleep and turning on the television at 1:30 in the morning and flipping to a documentary about an amateur-porn film festival and seeing a girl you were friends with in college starring in a backstage movie of a fifties-style musical as a singing strawberry who makes a mistake and gets spanked and then fucked by a menacing stagehand while her cohorts the snail, the flower, and the other random horticultural element I am too tired to remember look on and continue singing to keep you staring at your ceiling until you have to get out of bed and go to a meeting even though the image still haunts you so vividly that you might as well have stayed home for all the use you are.

“I have kind a sinking feeling in my gut right now,” Nagin said. “I was listening to what people were saying–they didn’t know, so therefore it was an issue of a learning curve. You know, from this tape it looks like everybody was fully aware.”

Why is this not the lead story in the Times?

Oh, right, because of liberal media bias.

Jesus Fucking Christ.